Never Say “Never Again”

Today as the wind blew and the clouds thickened I sat inside and read a dismal account about the identity of Jack the Ripper (I do like mysteries!) and did some maintenance on the computer.  As the sun was setting I began to think about how quiet it is here, with no one around, and how I might have to wait another month to six weeks before the place gets a little more lively with RVers.

I’ve been thinking, too, about the ways in which I have limited myself over the years, and how I’ve ‘played it safe’, and not tried new things.  Well, sometimes I took risks, like moving from Virginia to Denver without a job and not knowing anyone.  And agreeing to a relationship over the internet via Match.com.  Or propositioning a potential lover…With some of the outcomes of my risktaking, I’ve sometimes decided to not do ‘that’ again.

Now, here comes the place where I’m confessing…I went online today and signed up for a free online dating ‘thing.’  I thought, what the hey, I’m only here for the summer, and I’d like to meet some folks to do things with.  Why limit myself to waiting for the folks to show up in the park?  Why not reach out a little?

So I’ve put up my profile and honestly stated that I’m here for a short time and I’d like to meet some folks, and if something longer term comes from it, so be it.  And if not, okay.  My life gets shorter each day, so why not put forth some effort to meet some ‘local’ folks?  When I met my former partner, Don, online he was in Reno and I was in Denver.  That’s quite a distance.  From here to Durango or Chama, or other towns in the area, the distance is about an hour’s drive, or less.  No big deal.  And if I never really meet anyone face-to-face, at least it’s fun to ‘ring somebody’s bell’ from time to time!

I’ve been studying a kind of self-discovery ‘tool’ called Human Design.  You put in your birth data and get a kind of simple ‘readout’ about yourself (there are opportunities to get a full ‘reading’ by a HD professionally trained counselor, for a price.)  According to this data, there are four types of humans, based on their energy.  My type is named “Manifestor” and my energy is to initiate things.  And that includes relationships (dammit! – I’d rather wait for the other person to do that!) It is amazing the validation I’ve felt from reading the materials available online about this type – it’s the Just Do It energy, and I’ve known that about myself all my life, although my upbringing worked against this natural energy.  So now I’m practicing getting it back whole-heartedly by initiating things, and seeing what happens.  Stay tuned!

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One thought on “Never Say “Never Again””

  1. Hmmmmmm…… My first feeling was in the pit of my stomach…disappointment.

    I had so hoped you would make yourself, the evolution of your conscious, your focus…..

    What an opportunity for self-work in that beautiful quiet place….. alone with just yourself…..

    Elizabeth

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