Making Adjustments

When I decided to see if getting off the road was for me, I knew it would be a process.  Even knowing that, however, I’m still surprised sometimes at what things pop up, and what my inner voice has to say to me.

For instance, right now I’m in one place, committed for a year.  I’m adjusting to the new ‘normal’ of going to exercise class regularly and meeting with my friends three times a week, sometimes meeting with them afterward for brunch.  I’m certainly seeing them much more than when I was on the road.  Our relationships have slightly shifted because of the more frequent contact.  I’m observing how I feel about that, and how it is  affecting me.

Since last summer I’ve lost nearly 40 pounds now, and as I’m not in a good financial situation to add new clothing to my budget, I’ve been creatively amending my current  wardrobe, much of which includes adding elastic to waistbands, and taking tucks in shirts.  I did get a chance to shop with my friend at a local sale and purchase some clothes that fit, at a great sale price.  Still, that led to another adjustment.  I’ve opened two store credit cards to get the savings available, and that leads to adjustments again in a very stretched budget.

One of the reasons I decided to stay in one place was to get some consistent medical care.  While volunteering with the Park Service south of Tucson I began having some symptoms I thought were related to my blood pressure.  When I went to a local doctor I was referred to a cardiologist for something else, which totally surprised me.  I followed through with the tests and once I got parked in Tucson I found an internist who would become my primary physician.  In addition I followed up on dermatological and dental appointments.  Thank goodness they are all pretty much in one place and I don’t need to travel an hour or more each way in order to get care.  Again, though, it was another stress to the budget.  Whatever I’d been paying in gas to travel those 60 miles before, was now transferred to doctor bills.  And while my symptoms turned out to be ‘normal’, I’ve felt a little anxiety about my health.  I wasn’t expecting that.

Now, I’m not particularly a social person, but from time to time I do go with my friends to lunch or to a movie, or a bigger gathering, such as I attended a couple of weeks ago.  I’ve been pushing myself a little to get out for such things, as I don’t want to isolate.  That has been an issue even when on the road, as I’ve spent a lot of time by myself.  At least by being in this city, I can get to some kind of stimulation that isn’t so far to drive to.  The public library is fairly close by, and I can use the same library card I got four years ago when I was living here, before I started traveling as a single.

I’ve come to understand that my time on the road was a lesson for me to find out that while it’s okay, I was traveling by default, and given the choice, I’d rather be here than traveling alone.  With a partner, it could be a lot of fun; however, that hasn’t happened, and I’m tired of hauling my home around solo.

That brings me to the point of finding a ‘permanent’ place to live and making decisions about my trailer and truck.  I’ve been online to view a LOT of apartments.  While I would accept an apartment, I’ve come to realize that I really want to live in a house.  I don’t know how that will show up for me; however, I’ve learned of a low-income program that would help me buy a house, and I’m investigating that. That is VERY exciting!

And that brings me to being aware of the feelings that arise about the idea of committing my income to a house, and committing to a community and to the city of Tucson.  So at this point, it’s still a wait and see proposition.  It’s not time to make any decision yet, so I’m sure the answer will come when it’s right.

I’m still excited about how things are going to turn out.  It is definitely a ‘one day at a time’ life I’m having.  I spend my alone time with my bead work, reading many books, and watching DVDs; also listening to the radio, and studying subjects of interest online.  I’ve even given myself over to commenting on articles on The Huffington Post.  What fun that is! although sometimes it gets kind of boring, because everyone has an opinion.  And really, who cares?

One of my friends is a psychic and I asked her to give me a reading a little while back.  With the help of a Tarot deck I learned – not surprisingly – that I’m involved in a big change.  It’s a mystery to be lived and  I love mysteries!



2 thoughts on “Making Adjustments”

  1. My sense is you are absolutely right to let the decision[s] come when they will. If isolation [would like a better word that we don’t take so negatively] is where you are drawn, perhaps that’s where the true you lives. Personally, I have given up on my psychological beatings re being a loner. Perhaps it’s a product of being an only child for me or perhaps it is the result of so many disappointing relationships. Either way, if one is content and feeling fulfilled, who is to say it’s not exactly as it should be!?

    1. Thanks Judy. I like the term ‘solitude’ most of the time – I know I require a lot of that. I can see times, though, that I know I’m kind of hiding out, and I sense it’s about isolating myself. I don’t want to go too far in that direction. I’m still working on accepting that I’m a loner. I do know that wherever I am, whether in a city or in the boondocks I will always need a lot of time by myself. I do like the convenience of having things close by when I decide I need to leave the comfort of the nest.

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